


I feel like I'm drowning - Joshler

by dawn98



Category: Milky Chance (Band), Twenty One Pilots
Genre: #Tyler has ADD, Anxiety, Attention Deficit Disorder, Bottom Tyler Joseph, Depression, Dom Josh Dun, Enemies to Lovers, Josh wants to help, M/M, Mpreg, Student Tyler, Teacher Josh, highschool, joshler - Freeform, sassy Tyler joseph
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-07-02
Updated: 2018-08-05
Packaged: 2019-06-01 11:06:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 8
Words: 8,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15141737
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dawn98/pseuds/dawn98
Summary: "I know what you're going through must not be easy but-""You have ADD?"No..""Are you a psychologist?""..no""Then you don't know shit!"Teacher:Josh / Student:Tyler





	1. 1

"Tyler, I have a meeting late tonight, I won't be back until at least 7, so be sure you got your keys on you when you leave." Tyler's mother told him, knocking on the door of his room before poking her head inside.

Tyler was sitting on the floor with his back against his bed, controller in hands, his eyes glued to his game. He showed no sign of acknowledgement and continued playing, as if he hadn't heard or noticed her.

It was rare for Tyler to be able to concentrate on a task, it almost never happened. He had difficulty sorting and prioritizing the many and varied pieces of information that reached his brain, and he was always so lost in thoughts that he often seemed immersed in his own world, cut off from reality. Even though he did heard his mother, Tyler's brain at the moment was too busy dealing with other informations.

Kelly, who was used to this, smiled fondly and pushed open the door to walk towards her son. She leaned forward and ran a soothing hand through his fluffy brown hair, careful not to scare him.

"Honey, did you hear me?"

Tyler stopped short the movements of his hands on his controller, raising his head to the feeling of the delicate touch, blinking his big doe eyes, these latter, lost, meeting his mother's loving ones.

After a few seconds, he nodded, signaling that he did hear her.

She smiled at him softly and kissed his forehead.

"I love you, have a nice day at school."

She ruffled his hair and stood up before leaving the room.

A few minutes after listening to his mother leaving, staring into space, eyes unfocused, Tyler still hadn't left his spot on the floor. He sighed and shook his head, getting up and going to get ready to take the bus and go to school.


	2. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LILL0AV0938

School was boring. The days always seemed so long.

School days were indeed long, for everyone, but for Tyler, the hours seemed to double.

In his head, instead of eight, Tyler spent sixteen hours in school. Of course it was only an illusion, but still.

You'd think that inattention would make time pass more quiqkly, tuning everything out and daydreaming, indeed it does, but not when you try to fight it.

Which student never had difficulty concentrating in class? Such boring classes, who paid attention anyway?

For Tyler, it was different. The classes didn't necessarily interest him, but being able to concentrate and listen for more than five minutes on what the teacher was saying without his thoughts drifting, was all Tyler was asking for. He wasn't like any most students. You see, if other students were to stop paying attention in class, it'd be less difficult for them to catch up on work than for Tyler. The boy was already late on some of the program because of his disorder, and he couldn't afford not to pay attention.

Or, in his case, not to try.

When trying, seconds turned into minutes, minutes into hours, and so on. Time seemed to stop, and there he was, sitting on a chair.

Tyler suffered from what is called an Attention Deficit Disorder, and completing the tasks that were asked to him was a real struggle.

At this very moment, school, listening, taking notes..

His thoughts went from the subject he was studying in class to the patterns of the table his arms rested on, to the sound of pencils slipping on the papers as the other students were -unlike him- taking notes, to the landscape he could perceive through the window his head was resting on, to a song he listened to last night that remained in his head, to drawing and song ideas he had in mind, to his house keys he- did he take them?-

It wouldn't have been that hard on Tyler if his disorder only concerned school setting and the tasks he was forced to do, but unfortunately, he couldn't even concentrate on things he really was intersted in too.

Yes, no matter how much he cared about something, Tyler never saw the end of it. He was very creative, but half of that creativity was most of the time lost drowning in the vast and angry ocean that was his brain.

He sighed and sank deeper into his chair, deciding to close his eyes for a few minutes and stop torturing himself for the rest of the hour, the bell not far from ringing.

He was trying, really, it was hard.

In those moments, his thoughts drifted towards his mother, at how kind and loving she was to him, always patient and understanding. And how much he must be disappointing her.

As she kept repeating to him, he never disappointed her and never will. But the grades which, written in red ink on all the papers of his exams, always reflected his lack of progress, didn't cease to make him feel guilty.

When he came home from school, relieved that he indeed had taken his keys with him, Tyler went straight to his room and collapsed on his bed.

He was exhausted. Physically and mentally.

He closed his throbbing eyes, letting the pain of his headache lessen as sleep took him.

Around 7:30 pm, Kelly came home from work, her hands full with two boxes of pizza. She had decided to please her little favorite who, this morning, looked slightly more distracted than usual.

Tyler loved pizzas.

Who didn't?

"Tyler?"

She called him, putting the pizzas aside and getting rid of her coat.

Tyler used to never really respond, his mother. Facing him, she never really needed more than a look at her son's facial expressions to read him like an open book.

But when she wasn't facing him, out of politeness, and if he did comprehend she was talking to him, Tyler would answer her. Except some days when he was in one of his moods he wouldn't answer and she'd come check on him anyway.

Receiving no response, Kelly decided to go upstairs and check on him and see if everything was alright, and if Tyler did return home and hadn't forgotten his keys. She was always so worried about him. He was so distracted.

As it was dark and seeing no light from the hollow below the door of the youngest's room, Kelly thought that maybe he was resting?

She took her precautions and opened the door slowly, trying not to make any noise. She smiled lovingly seeing her son curled up in a little ball on his bed.

She watched him for a few seconds and was about to close the door and go back downstairs when she noticed he was shivering.

She frowned because indeed, the blankets were laying beneath him, leaving nothing to bring him any source of heat.

Not wanting to wake him, she exited the room and went into her own to take her own blanket and returning to the room where the tired boy was, resting the blanket on his body deprived of heat.

She stroked his cheek lightly and seeing that after a minute or two he had stopped shivering, left the room, letting him rest.


	3. 3

"Mom"

Her son's voice made her turn around, bowl and spatula in her hands, these latter covered with flour and dough.

Kelly smiled fondly at her 17-year-old boy that was standing in the doorway, basketball under his right arm, playing with a string of his basketball shorts.

He was looking at her tiredly, blinking his puffy eyes, probably not fully awake yet after taking a four hours nap right after he came back from school earlier at noon.

"Hey sweetheart, your nap did you good, did it?" She asked with a smile, putting her bowl and spatula on the counter and stepping towards him a little, wiping her hands on her apron. "Going out to get some fresh air?"

Tyler nodded to say yes and smiled back.

"Is Clemens coming with you?" Kelly asked, the boy being best friends with Tyler since childhood.

"No, I'm just going to train a bit, I don't have for long."

"You don't want me to drop you, do you?"

Kelly knew her son needed space, and often felt the need to get out, fresh air and nature having this ability to calm him down and lessen the constant stream of thoughts that choked him. It was also easier for him to concentrate while playing sports, physical activity distracting him well. One of those rare activities.

Tyler shook his head to say no.

She smiled at him once more. "Okay, have fun, but be careful, okay?"

Tyler rolled his eyes and smiled. "Yes mom."

There were days he spoke and smiled more, and days when he was even a little -very- sarcastic. Regardless of his mental state, she loved him more than anything, but seeing her son smile at her was something she couldn't get tired of, something she loved.

She wanted him happy.

She laughed and watched him leave, telling him a last "Love you!" a little too late when the door was closed already.

It was sunny outside, but a few light cloud masses prevented the rays from making his walk unpleasant.

Tyler didn't like the sun too much. Not when he was outside anyway. He liked the warmth it provided him, but his skin, burning and coted with sweat wasn't to his liking.

Too much sun was annoying.

A gentle breeze caressed his skin and he sighed, closing his eyes for a second and enjoying the moment.

His thoughts were always calm right after waking up, his brain taking some time to function completely, and going out gave him the satisfaction of being appeased. In a few minutes he would be full of sweat, but focused on a task and distracted from his own head, and that made him smile slightly.

 


	4. 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tZs0_r3ROjg

"Mom"

Tyler tried to call his mother, his voice weak and hoarse.

He had medications to take, medications which the dosage increased as the months passed, in his case, every 3 months, and he always dreaded those times when his doctor offered him a stronger dosage.

With some patients, methylphenidate didn't work. In these cases, the doctor stopped the treatment. With Tyler, it worked, but after a while once he was adjusted to the prescribed dosage, the effects dissipated and increasing the dose was the only way to help manage the disorder properly.

That day, Tyler exited his psychologist's office with a prescription of 40 mg of methylphenidate to be taken daily, two tablets to take, one in the morning and another one at noon. And he knew oh so well what was waiting for him, his body usually needing 3 to 4 days to adjust to a new dosage.

A few hours after taking his second and last tablet of the day, Tyler was surprised when the only side effects he felt were this usual lack of appetite and a very mild headache.

Not that he was complaining.

He was wrong not to go out and enjoy as much as he could, thinking that maybe this time he wouldn't have to suffer the hell that awaited him every first week every three months.

When night time came, he wasn't so lucky tough.

It was 2:45, and he couldn't help but move and turn around, trying to find a comfortable position, hoping to make his uneasiness disappear.

Uneasiness, including those damn headaches and stomachaches that made him wince in pain, his body temperature high and his forehead covered with small drops of sweat.

"Mom .." He tried a second time, the first having given nothing.

Still not receiving any sign of life from his still sleeping mother, he began to cry softly, the pain only increasing and preventing him from going back to sleep.

In moments like these, he didn't have any problem concentrating. The pain being the only thing he could think of, he almost regretted the frustration of his inability to concentrate and his inattention which usually were a hell for him, and were why he had to take these pills in the first place.

He began chanting a chorus of "mom, please.."mentally slapping himself for closing his door as he went to sleep.

He had never been so happy to hear his mother's voice when she vigorously opened the door of his room, panicked.

Panicked, but awake.

"Tyler??"

She rushed and sat down beside her son and lit the little bedside lamp there was next to his bed.

Her frown deepened when she saw the condition her baby was in, body curled up in a ball and shaking, tear stained face, frowning, his puffy red eyes half lidded looking at her pleadingly, begging her to lessen his pain.

"Aw baby"

She ran a hand through his damp hair, massaging his scalp, her other hand rubbing his arm up and down soothingly. She hated to see him in this state.

She couldn't really do a thing to help him, Tyler knew that too, but he could use some company, and his mother would be the last one to refuse to give him any.

"How long have you been like this?" She asked softly, concerned.

Tyler just shrugged, closing his eyes, allowing more tears to fall.

"Did it wake you?"

He nodded slowly this time.

Kelly's face softened, trying to find a way to relief some of his pain.

"Baby you know I can't give you anything else because of those meds, d'you want some water? Anything to eat?"

Tyler shook his head, frown deepening. Swalowing something was the last thing he wanted right now, his symptoms making him nauseous.

"God you're burning up." Kelly said, feeling his warm skin. "Wait here." She was out the door in a second.

Where do you want me to go. Tyler thought.

Not even a minute after she was back with a wet cloth, placing it on his forehead, the cool water being a bit releiving.

Tyler sighed, his wimpers had stopped, leaving some occasional tears still falling, his mother's presence calming him a little.

"What else can I do honey?"

"..stay" he said in a tiny, barely audible voice.

Kelly smiled softly at this and brought her hand back to his hair, strocking gently.

"Of course. I'll get my pillow."

She kissed his forehead and went to get her pillow, sneaking under the covers beside him once she was back and bringing him close, hugging him protectively, still strocking his hair and turning the lamp off.

They both were comfortable, bodies pressed together and Tyler's warm forehead burried in her neck, breath uneven as he tried not to throw up. His tears had stopped by now, leaving a constant frown on his face.

Kelly broke the silence when she asked. "Do you want me to text Clemens for you so he can explain your absence? 'Cause you're not going anywhere tomorrow, it's only going to get worse."

"m'no, stay" he mumbled.

"I'm right here baby, shh, go to sleep, I'll just send my school an email first thing in the morning, I'm not letting you home alone when in this state."

"Love you"

"I love you too, goodnight sweetheart."

She kissed his forehead and went to sleep too.

"G'nigh"


	5. 5

As Kelly had said, Tyler only got worse the next day. He didn't go to school, she didn't go to work, instead she worked at home, and Tyler was bored out of his skull. He didn't really have time to think about how bored he was though, the previous day's symptoms sill bugging him, doing nothing but sleeping 'cause he was dizzy and tired.

He wasn't complaining though, the meds working, controlling his brain, reducing his body to the state of some sort of chewing gum and giving him a break from his own head. A real puppet.

After his mom woke him up to eat, Tyler letting her know about his lack of appetite and his mother repeating him that - _yes, you're going to eat_ -, she brought him his food, Tyler pouting at her, whispering a forced _thanks_ , but sill not touching his plate, only looking at it with disgust.

Just the sight of food made him gag.

"C'mon, hurry up. I want that eaten by the next hour." Kelly ordered with her hands on her hips, standing in the hallway before leaving.

Tyler did as told and started eating, gagging a few times, gulping some water to help it down his throat.

He tried to distract himself and checked his phone for the first time since he woke up in the morning, seeing he had one new message from Clemens.

Clemens : _Hey Ty, you home?_

He started texting him back.

Tyler : _Hey Clem, yea and sorry I didn't text you guys sooner, got a new dosage for my meds, I'm sick. Yeeeeeeeh._

Clemens : _Oh shoot, sorry dude, want me to come over and bring you homework when class's dismissed?"_ Clemens answerd almost instantly, probably eating lunch too with Philipp and Antonio.

Tyler : _That'd be cool, thanks man. Wouldn't want to be even more late in the program._

Clemens : _Don't even start and bring yourself down, 's not your fault and we both know it. Don't make me slap you._

Tyler : _How you gonna do that through text?_

Clemens : _How about I do it when I come over?_

Tyler : _I won't let you in then._

Clemens : _Your mom will._

Tyler : _I'll tell her not to._

Clemens : _And I'll plead her, you know she loves me._

Tyler : _I hate you._

Clemens : _Love you too._

Tyler : _Okay, see you later then, thanks again :)_

Clemens : _YW :)_

Tyler couldn't help but being mad at his mother as she rubbed his back and removed the strands of hair from his sticky forehead as he was throwing up everything he ate in the toilets.

He hated it, being sick.

But again, who liked it?

"Told you- I wasn't hungry" He tried to say as he was catching his breath, small puffs of air before he retched again. Half an hour had passed after he ate his meal. It seemed like the food was refusing to stay down. It was no surprise for Tyler though.

"You needed to eat honey"

"What for" he dry heaved "look where the food's going" he kept throwing up, his body shaking.

_No thank you_. Kelly thought.

As much as she loved her son, she wouldn't look at the mess, afraid she'd throw up too.

After what felt like forever of him vomiting, he brushed his teeth and went back to sleep.

It felt like a five minutes nap only though when he woke up to someone knocking at his bedroom door.

"Come in." his voice rough with sleep.

"Woah, I feel like I'm bringing flowers to your funeral man, you look like shit!"

Tyler smiled at the long floofy brown haired boy that was now in his doorway, smiling too.

"Not that what I hold in my hands is as pleasant as flowers, but" Clemens continued making the both of them giggle and then put the sick boy's homework on his desk. "Here's your homework, just a tone of shit for you to catch up on, nothing too bad." (note his sarcasm) Clemens said as he winked at him, resting his upper body against the doorway again.

Tyler groaned loudly. "Great."

"How you doin'?"

Tyler gave him the - _don't ask stupid questions please_ \- look.

Clemens giggled. "Sorry."

Tyler was about to ask him the same question but it's only then he noticed how red and small Clemens' eyes looked.

"Why are your eyes red." It wasn't really a question.

"I..they are?" Clemens knew where this was going. Tyler knew it too.

"Wtf Clem did you actually smoke weed before coming here?!" Tyler whisper yelled, not wanting his mom to hear as he plopped himself on his elbows.

"Yea? What's the matter?"

"What's the matter? My mom probably smelled it just like I can smell it right now! She can't know I smoke weed! She'll freak out and may I remind you she knows you as well as she knows me, she's like a second mother to you if she slaps me she'll slap you too."

Clemens sighed. "Okay as much as I dislike angry Kelly, chill dude, she won't know she didn't smell it and even if she did smell this perfume of quality she probably doesn't even know the smell."

"Yea 'cause you think she's stupid? She was a teen before you and I, she probably smoked some too back in time."

"Then she'll understand why you smoke it too."

"With the meds I take?"

"Yea I forgot that part." They both fell silent. Until.. "..why you smoke weed already?"

"Shut up."

 


	6. 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WkVvG4QTO9M

Treating attention deficit disorder isn't easy task. One of the difficulties in treating it is the fact that this disorder has the habit of causing other disorders.

Indeed, it isn't uncommon for patients who come for treatment against ADD to be depressed and anxious.

What complicates things even more is that among the many side effects of ADD treatments, such as Tyler's here, are depression, anxiety ... irritability ...

Today, it wasn't his inattention that troubled Tyler, but his irritability. Depressive, anxious and irritated. Hashtag Love my life.

Today wasn't a good day for Tyler.

Hearing the annoying sound of his alarm clock this morning almost made him smash it open. He didn't have the strength to get up and decided by himself that he'd stay home one more day. He almost forgot things were never that easy and that he wasn't in charge in this house as he went back to sleep for a few minutes before his mother turned into his second alarm clock.

Feeling stubborn, he didn't listen and was on the verge of falling back into a deep sleep again before the walking alarm clocl stormed back into his room for the third time in a row.

"Tyler you have a test today you're not missing school. I know you're still unwell but you're going, it's been two days." Kelly said, trying desperately to get her son out of bed.

"Going isn't gonna change shit anyway." He tried to get out of it.

"Language Tyler and get up, now." she instructed as she opened his curtains, the light instantly blinding him and adding fuel to the fire. "I'm driving you, since you don't feel good." She added.

"I don't want you driving me." Tyler talked back angrily.

"It's not about what you want." Kelly retorted. "What are you still doing in bed?" She stopped to glare at him for a second before she left his room again. It wasn't that much of a question though, more like a warning. She wasn't yelling at him, knowing this wasn't her son's usual temper but the medication talking. Yelling would only make things worse anyway. She tried to be as strict as possible while staying calm and trying not to upset him too much, even if in Tyler's opinion and medicated induced state, she was doing everything in her power to upset him.

"Get ready, I made you breakfast. And hurry up Tyler, you're gonna make me late." She ordered louder this time from her own room.

Swearing under his breath, Tyler did as told, making sure to slam the doors shut and make as much noise as possible to express his displeasure.

Once ready, he went downstairs to eat the delicious breakfast his lovely mother had prepared for him and he was sure she'd shove down his throat if he refused to eat.

His nausea was gone but he still wasn't hungry at all.

He sure wouldn't have been eating at all these past two days if Kelly hadn't been there to force him.

She entered the kitchen and leaned on the counter near her son, smiling affectionately as she watched him eat. She reached out her hand and slid it into his hair to stroke it but sighed and retracted it as he backed away from her touch, not even making eye contact.

Moody. She thought.

"These meds are getting worse." She sighed as she left the kitchen, Tyler glaring at her from his seat.

He didn't even bother finishing his breakfast, his mother not being able to see, he took his bowl angrily and threw its contents in the bin, putting it in the sink, drying his hands with a towel.

He smiled for the first time this morning, a wicked smile, knowing he found at least a way to sidestep one of the devil's rules.

Yes, saying he was irritated was an understatement.

Someday he was a fawn, someday he was a snake.

"You ready to go?" She asked, seeing as he had finished eating breakfast (or thought so).

He didn't bother answering and swung his backpack over his shoulder, getting out the door and leaving it open for her.

Kelly rolled her eyes as she sighed, taking her car keys and her stuff, checking her hair one last time before locking the front door and driving the little nerve ball to school.

____________

"Call me if it's getting bad, I can leave work a moment to pick you up and bring you back home, but pass your test, okay?"

Tyler sighed as he watched out the window. "Yeah"

"Baby, listen-" But Tyler was already opening the door, slamming it shut and leaving.

Kelly sighed for about the hundred time this morning. "I love you too." She rolled her eyes and shook her head, watching him in the distance and driving away to work.

____________

Tyler rubbed his temples as he slammed his locker shut, causing a few students looking his way curiously. He glared at them and sighed. In moments like these, he tried to find a culprit for feeling the way he did and right now, the culprit was...everyone. He was fed up with feeling so weak, a little pill being the only thing that could really control him.

The headache was still present, his stomach ache had diminished and was almost gone, but still there.

Two strong hands brought him out of his thoughts, making their way on both of his shoulders from behind him and massaging them a little. The gesture soothed him he must admit, he closed his eyes for a second. The person then leaned in on him. "You look like you're going to punch someone." Philipp said in his ear as he smirked.

Tyler turned around to look at his slightly taller and more muscular friend and sighed.

"Angry Tyler's back. I love angry Tyler." Philipp said with a grin, seeing Tyler's face, patting his shoulder.

"Angry Tyler is sexy Tyler." Antonio added as he swung his arm around Philipp's neck, resting against him as both friends smirked at the tired and frustrated looking boy.

"Stop bugging him before he strangles you both." Clemens said as he smiled and winked at Tyler, opening his own locker beside Tyler's one and taking what he needed.

The smaller boy returned a tired smile.

"Happy to be back?" Philipp asked, smiling widely as he ruffled Tylers hair, the three of them knowing full well why he was in such a mood.

"So fucking happy." Tyler spat as he fixed his hair. "What's first period again?" He asked, sighing and looking around as he stuck his thumbs into his backpack's loops.

"PE." Philipp answered, trying to keep a straight face.

Tyler's head snapped up at this. "What?!" Fucking no. There was no way he'd run around dribbling a ball sweating with the coach's annoying voice yelling his instructions.

The three friends exploded in laughter, patting their shoulders and making fun of Tyler's reaction.

Tyler groaned. "Screw you guys." He smiled slightly at the joke and at his own reaction.

"Math's first period, man. The test, did you study? I did bring you the homework, right?" Clemens asked.

Right. The damn test. Reason number one why his mom forced him to come to school today. He felt releived it was in first period though, knowing he had permission to come back home anytime during the day as long as he passed the test.

"Yeah I did study, well I tried, and yeah you did bring it to me but try not to be stoned next time you come over though."

Antonio slapped the back of Clemens' head hearing Tyler's remark.

"Ow. What was that for!" Clemens pouted as he rubbed the back of his head.

"You trying to get us cought or what?" Antonio asked. Clemens frowned and sticked his tongue out at him, Antonio doing the same.

Those two, Tyler and Philipp thought, both rolling their eyes at their silly friends.

"We missed you man, you comming tonight? Usual spot after school?" Philipp asked, talking for the two of his friends as well.

"Missed you guys too, and yeah I'll come, it'll feel good to finally get out of the house. I don't know if I'll stay as long as usual though, I'm still not feeling too well." Tyler replied, rubbing at the bridge of his nose.

"As long as you come." Philipp said and they all smiled, beginning to walk away from their lockers, the bell close to ringing.

Tyler groaned as he threw his head back dramatically. "Math."

"Yeah, math." Clemens agreed as he sighed, checking out a few girls around the hallway and smiling back as they waved his way looking him up and down.

"Ah fuck." Tyler stopped walking. "I forgot my calculator, go, I'll catch you up."

The three nodded muttering a lazy 'kay in unison as they kept walking slowly while Tyler turned around walking back to his locker. He picked his calcultor and was about to make his way to class when he bumped into someone. It would've been chill if that person wasn't a jerk.

"Watch your way, idiot." The guy spat glaring at Tyler, not stopping and walking away. He got stopped by Tyler though, the boy not cowering away like the guy thought he would. He chose the wrong day.

"What's your problem." Tyler spat back and made his way towards the guy who turned around and threw his packpack on the ground, shoving Tyler into a locker and making him drop his calculator in the process.

Tyler hissed and shoved him back, not as hard though. Tyler was thin but fit, but the guy in front of him sure was stronger than him.

"You're my problem, fag." The guy smirked.

The smile was smacked off his face when Tyler swung his fist right in his nose, making the boy stumble back and hold his nose in pain, blood already dripping down on the lineum floor. He recovered quickly, punching Tyler back in the right cheek with much more force than Tyler, making him fall to the floor and groaning in pain, holding his throabing cheek.

Tyler saw red.

He too recovered quickly and jumped back onto his feet, punching the boy back again and they fought for a good minute before two much more stronger arms separated them.

"Stop!" The voice said.

Tyler only saw neon yellow hair before he tried to swing back. It was as if the guy gave him a good reason to hit someone, the action relieving some of his stress and pressure.

The yellow haired man saw it coming and anticipated, stopping him in time and pushing him away from the other student once again.

"I said stop!" The man, who apparently was a teacher yelled once more.

Tyler didn't stop and didn't care, he wasn't himself, if he watched the scene from someone else's eyes, he wouldn't recognize himself. He did a mistake he didn't realise was a mistake yet and he pushed the teacher back.

"Don't touch me!" Tyler yelled at the yellow haired man angrily.

"Calm down! I said stop I'm your superior you don't push me!" The teacher ordered, yelling as angrily as him.

"I'll push you again if you touch me again!" Who was that teacher, and who did he think he was. Tyler thought.

"Watch your mouth young man." The man warned.

"Leave me the fuck alone."

"That's it. Detention after school."

"I'm not staying for a detention!"

"Yes you are and watch your tone or it's not only tonight you'll stay but tomorrow night too! I can add detention hours along the whole week for you if you want. Just keep talking back to me!"

"You can't make me coming!"

"Careful, that's 3 of them already."

Tyler heard the other student snickering, watching the scene and making fun of him from behind the teacher as he wiped his nose.

Tyler's eyes were guns, if looks could kill there'd be three victims already. His mom, that jerk of a student, and that pain in the ass of a professor.

"Keep laughing, you're coming too." The teacher said to the laughing student not tunring his back to Tyler and keeping an eye on him, careful if he tempted something else.

"He started it!" Not laughing anymore, the other student accused angrily.

"Shut up I didn't!" Tyler tried to defend himself.

"Yes you fag-"

"STOP!" The teacher interjected once more. "I don't care who started it you're both coming to detention!" The two boys glared at each other, not saying a word. "You'll have an hour tonight after school." He pointed to Tyler. "And you'll have one tomorrow night." He pointed to the other student.

"5:30 pm, room 217. You better come. Or I'll make a report." The teacher pointed at Tyler once again.

"5:30 pm?! I'm supposed to finish class at 3:30!"

"Guess you'll have to wait then. Now do any of you need to see the nurse?"

Both boys shook their heads.

"Then get back to class, now."

Tyler took a last glance at the jerk before the teacher sent them both to class.

Great. Tyler was even more mad at his mother for making him come.


	7. 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SPc-oWXEhQQ  
> Sorry if there still are french words in this. I checked but, yea.

Being a teacher is never an easy job: a teacher must repeat the same things year after year ; try to refresh the program to offer a different approach to students who absolutely don't care about it, students who, most of whom are immature, some that will never do the work asked ; know how to put their own problems aside and never show them in the workplace, because the role of a teacher isn't only to teach, but also to be present for these said students, to represent academic and moral support.

Do you know what sucks the most when being a teacher in highschool? Having to teach last period of the day. The only friend of a student between 4:30pm and 5:30pm is the clock.

Each tired and impatient look is on the clock.

But do you know what sucks even more than having to teach last period? It's having to manage a detention right after last period.

While each student was focused staring at the big needle, Tyler wasn't.

While, when the bell rang 5:30pm, smiles found their way back on each student's face, all of them rushing out of school, it wasn't Tyler's case.

After spending his whole day trying to quell his anger, he was heading to the much-loved room 217.

Having had two free periods before this one, he had spent his time at the library, doodling and writing.

It happened to him very often, to write. None of the sentences or more specifically pieces of sentences he wrote led to anything concrete, but he was trying.

He had so many ideas, but writing required far too much concentration for his liking. Organizing his thoughts, finding the right words, thinking about structure... It was hard. And that's why he continued writting.

He refused to admit it, and knew it'd probably never happen, but deep down he hoped one day he would learn to manadge his disorder by himself and no longer depend on those insignificant little pills.

Well, not that insignificant in the end. They were stronger than him.

Maybe he was the insignificant one.

He sighed and rubbed at the bridge of his nose as he reached room 217. The door was open and all the students seemed to be gone, no sound suggesting there still were students inside could be heard. But Tyler guessed the yellow heared man woud be in there.

Tyler knew the way he had acted earlier was wrong and that he had acted under pressure and impulsion, but he in no way wanted to be nice with this professor.

A bruise colored the hump on his right cheekbone, and he wouldn't be surprised to see some more if he lifted his shirt and took a look at his stomach. It didn't hurt that much, but it sure didn't help his temper. He wasn't thinking about the consequences of his actions yet and didn't regret anything, he only had been defending himself after all.

Okay, he had gone overboard with this teacher, but- no! He didn't care!

The only thing he wanted right at this moment was to get back to bed and sleep, and that yellow haired idiot was only delaying that process.

If only he knew how much he would join his bed faster than he thought.

He didn't bother knocking on the door or announcing his arrival as he stormed inside, getting seated at the back of the room and glaring at the teacher who, sitting at his desk, lifted his eyes from his papers to look at the student, a raised eyebrow, amazed at the behavior.

"No. You're going to make that entry again." The older man said calmly as he got up and walked slowly around his desk, sitting on it and folding his arms, watching the boy attentively. "You're going to knock on the door, and wait for me to ask you to come in."

Tyler scoffed. Is he kidding me or something?

"You heard me?" It wasn't a question, more of a warning.

The hint of remorse Tyler might have felt before entering the room had evaporated into thin air, completely gone. He glared at the man as he slowly got up and walked to the door, taking his time and not breaking eye contact, showing his disapproval. The man did the same as he watched carefully. This was going to be a long hour.

Tyler came out of the room and it wasn't without shame that he knocked on the door, head down, this time not making eye contact.

The teacher, still with his arms crossed, took his time and waited a good minute, watching the student calming down and realizing what his place was in this school.

"You can come in." Mr Dun finally said.

Tyler almost sighed in relief, feeling small and stupid under the older's intense look. He slowly entered the room for the second time, his head still down, embarrassed.

He headed back to his seat, wanting nothing but to sit and melt in embarrassment on the spot.  
But he, once again, didn't get to do as he pleased.

"Did I say you could sit?"

He turned around, thinking of good manners this time, knowing that it wasn't well-mannered to turn his back to someone who spoke to him. He was standing small, in the middle of the room, head down and rubbing his arm slowly up and down, trying to calm himself down.

He still was pissed off, but this man sure was good when it came to make himself respected.

Tyler had to admit the man was quite intimidating. Not only because he was taller and more muscular than him, but because of his eyes. He had a look that made Tyler's knees go weak.

"You know why you're here."

"I'm not amnesic."

The man got up and made his way towards him, stopping right in front of him. "Sit down. Now."

Tyler glared at the man but did as told. The teacher sighed and took a last glance at the younger before tunring around and going back to his desk.

"If you don't know me yet, I'm Mr. Dun." He said as he wrote his name on the board. "I guess my name's important, knowing you're going to spend two other hours with me in this same class, maybe more if you keep giving me a hard time."

I'm giving you a hard time? Good. Tyler thought.

The teacher now known as Mr. Dun took a glance at the student to see his reaction. He didn't seem like he was about to talk back.

Good. Mr. Dun thought.

Mr. Dun wasn't used to such a reaction. He was a young 25 year olf teacher, and never in his 4 years of career had he been touched by a student. That's why he wasn't just going to make the boy go to the principals and make him copy silly lines, but instead try and talk to him. He could see that this behavior wasn't usual for the boy, he went from intimidating to intimidated with a snap of a finger, as if his brain was playing tricks on him and another person was taking over every time he calmed down.

He also knew it because he had taken a look at the youngest's school file and had seen that this wasn't a common behavior for the boy. He was a ratherly calm and well behaved student.

"So, what happened earlier out there?" He asked, coming to sit on a desk right in front of Tyler's.

Tyler just sighed, he didn't feel like explaining his complicated life, he had a headache and wanted so desperately to go home.

"I'm already in detention, even if I tell you what happened, what will it change."

Josh could sense his frustration.

"I'm trying to help you Tyler. I'm trying to understand."

"Understanding what. Is this the first time there is a conflict between students in this highschool?"

"No. But a student fighting a teacher, yes. You tried to fight me, you seemed out of it. What happened. What were you thinking out there?"

"I was angry, it was in the moment, there's nothing to discuss about." Tyler said as he rubbed his eyes, keeping them closed for a moment.

"You were angry? Look at you now. Tyler, I-"

"Just shut up already."

"See? The same behavior as earlier! You're being impulsive. It's not common for you to act like this."

"'Cause you think highschool is the only life us students have?! You don't know my life outside of these walls."

"And how is it, then? What made you react this way?"

Seeing as the younger wasn't about to answer anytime soon, Mr. Dun added. "Tyler I'm your professor, I'm here to help, you-"

"I have ADD." Tyler blurted out without thinking. He closed his eyes again and sighed, lowering his head and tapping his fingers on the table to distract himself, an anxious habit of him.

Mr Dun noticed. The boy was opening up to him, of course it wasn't easy. He knew of the disorder but didn't know much about it. He wanted to understand and try to help.

"Ok" He said in a soothing voice and nodded, encouraging the boy to continue.

"I've got medications to take."

"Are these medications the reason why you acted like you did earlier?"

Tyler nodded, rubbing his forehead and tugging at his hair. He started shaking. He shouldn't be talking about this, especially not to a complete stranger. A teacher, but a stranger nonethless.

"Does it always?" Mr Dun asked carefully.

Tyler shook his head furiously, not wanting to talk about this anymore.

"Stop." Tyler said, still shaking his head.

"It's okay, I'm just-"

"Stop." Tyler repeated.

"Tyler, I know what you're going through must not be easy but-"

"You have add?" Tyler asked in a harsh tone.

There he is. The impulsive side again. Mr. Dun thought.

"No" He answered calmly, trying to calm the boy down.

"Are you a psychologist?"

"No"

"Then you don't know shit!"

"Tyler, calm down, do not tal-"

"You're the one who asked to talked to me, but I don't want to talk to you and you can't force me!"

"Tyler watch your language I know it must be frustrating but-"

"YOU KNOW NOTHING ABOUT ME!" Tyler suddenly got up and yelled, banging his fist on the wooden desk.

"Tyler!" Mr Dun got up as well, he shouldn't have pushed him to talk.

"STOP TALKING TO ME AS IF YOU WERE MY MOTHER! "

"I am your professor and you're going listen to me!"

"NO!"

"Tyler!"

Tyler and Mr. Dun both looked up to see Tyler's mother looking angry in the doorway.


	8. 8

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=psiILfa-G1c

"What do you think you're doing here?! Is this how you talk to your professors?!" Kelly didn't look happy.

At all.

While she earlier had been informed on her son's behavior, she never would've imagined finding him yelling at a teacher when coming to pick him up. She had a bad day at work and learning her son had a detention didn't help her mood. She knew this behavior came from the medications, but here, this went too far.

"No, only to him!" Tyler pointed angrily at the teacher.

"Tyler!" Kelly had never had a problem reasoning her son, in fact, he had never behaved that way.

"Tyler, Tyler, _Tyler_ , I'm so sick of you all!" Tyler wasn't calming down.

Because of his disorder, explaining himself also was a difficulty. Tyler had a lot on the conscience, so many negative thoughts, but during all those years he only kept repressing them, simply because..he couldn't find the words to explain himself.

But here, Tyler just felt like letting it all out.

"That's it, you're in trouble young man." His mother seemed infurriated. But Tyler was too.

Mr. Dun suddenly felt guilty. He stood there, watching the two arguing.

"What, you're going to punish me?! Wake up you already did by making me!" Tyler brought both of his hands to his hair and started pulling at it. He felt so helpless.

Kelly and Josh's eyes widened hearing the younger's words. That sure shut them up. They glanced at each other for a second, not knowing what to do, nor what to say, before turning their attention back on Tyler.

Kelly's face softened, hearing his words. How could she not know her son felt that way?

"You guys all think you know what I'm going through, what my life is and what it's like to be in my head, but you don't! You have no fucking idea! I'm so fucked up!" Tyler yelled, bending over and crying, ugly tears running down his face.

Kelly brought a hand to her mouth at the scene and started crying too. She stepped forward, reaching for her son.

"Don't touch me!" Tyler noticed and yelled again, backing away from her.

Her son was breaking down in front of her and she couldn't do a thing. She just felt the need to hug him close and tell him everything would be alright.

"Tyler baby don't say that, please I-"

"See?! And the only thing I seem to be good at is making my own mother cry! I just- I just want it to stop mom, my brain it's- it's on fire I can't stop it my meds they're not working" The small boy tried to say through his sobs.

Mr Dun frowned, feeling really bad for the boy. He seemed so small curling up on himself looking helpless.

"Tyler honey calm down it's just the side effects, the amount of it is making you irritated and even more depressed that's why you gotta take the anti depressants and-"

"Don't! Don't say that in front of him, I don't take all these meds I'm not crazy.." Tyler whisper yelled, more to himself than to his mother, even though he did seem a bit crazy at the moment. He suddenly felt really embarassed breaking down in front of his teacher like this.

"Tyler, I'm in no way judging you I-" Mr Dun tried to reassure him, of course the attempt not working.

Tyler wasn't so angry anymore, he seemed more desperate.

"Shut up! Yes you are, you think I'm a freak.."

Mr Dun's frown deepened.

"Tyler, you're not a freak, you only have a disorder that of course is hard to live with but so many people have it, you're not alone with this problem and we're all here to try and help you, you're not alone bud, you're not alone." He tried to reassure him once again, stepping forward the shaking boy. He looked like he was about to pass out.

Tyler indeed was drained from this outburst, and Mr Dun was proved right when the poor boy's knees buckled as he started falling. The teacher was fast to act though, catching him in time before he hit the ground and bringing a hand on the back of his head to hold it up.

Kelly gasped and ran up to them, looking apologetically at her son in the older man's arms.

He seemed at peace though, his long lashes resting against his soft cheeks, his body numb.

"I'm really sorry, these meds are getting the best of him, he needs to rest" She said, wiping her nose.

"No don't apologize, I caused this. I shouldn't have forced him to talk to me." Mr Dun shook his head, looking down at Tyler.

"You didn't do anything wrong, it's my fault, I shouldn't have forced him to come to school in the first place. Thank you so much for calling me though."

"Of course."

They smiled sadlly at each other and stayed there for a minute, watching the boy's chest rise and fall as he breathed.

"Want some help carrying him?"

"If it's no bother.."

"It's not"

"Thank you"

Josh smiled at her and picked Tyler's light and limp frame bridal style. The sleepy boy fisted Josh's shirt in his sleep as he wimpered. Josh shushed him softly, carrying him to Mrs. Joseph's car.

When she opened the back door of the car, he laid Tyler on the backseat gently and cooed as he curled up in a small ball.

"Again, i'm sorry about..all this." He burried his hands in the pockets of his pants.

"You were just doing your job. You couldn' know how he'd react."

"I should've been more careful"

"We can't be perfect. I make mistakes with him too. And then I learn from them and the most important is to try our best, to be patient with him. You seem to care, and thank you for that. Not many teachers do."

Mr Dun thought about it.

He didn't really know the boy but he did care about him.

 

**A/N : What is this shit..**


End file.
